The Journey Begins: Let your Yes’s be Yes and your No’s be No.
I had a new client come in the other day. He complained he was tired, exhausted with low motivation. His life had become dull & dreary. The passion and enthusiasm that had animated his roles as father, husband and small business owner had evaporated.
I instantly recalled what one of my brilliant teachers taught me years ago.
It’s the human condition. We forget what Yes means. We forget what No means.
It all starts early. Don Miguel Ruiz calls it the “domestication” process. In our families, we learn to say yes when we mean no. We learn to say no when we mean yes. We do it to please our parents or primary caregivers. We do it to fit in. We do it to be accepted. We do it to survive. The process continues in school. We sit at our little desks when we want to run wild and play. We force ourselves to be quiet when we want to laugh, yell and scream. Our wondrous minds are directed to learn how to fit into the system. This process continues into pre-adolescence and beyond.
After we’re trained to be fuzzy with our internal yes’s & no’s, we get into fuzzy relationships. We take fuzzy jobs. Eventually we get caught up in a lie. It all gets blurry. We forget who we are. We forget what we want. We don’t do what we want to do. We do what we don’t want to do. We forget what yes means. We forget what no means. As a result, everything becomes dissatisfying. Life becomes painful. We feel conflicted because part of us knows what we really want, but another part forgot. We get exhausted.
We become like Zombies, running on patterns of external yes’s & no’s.
All this to say simply, “Yeah, I get it”.
Recovering enthusiastic aliveness is a journey. A journey to back to your core. The core that was lost in the “domestication” process. Start by reclaiming your authentic yes’s and no’s. Authentic yes’s and no’s will guide you home. They will lead you back to your core.
Authentic yes’s & no’s are accompanied by a childlike enthusiasm.
Try shouting: “Yes! I want it!” and “No! Get away!”
Try pushing and pulling anything. Try pushing a tree! Or wrestling a towel from a partner.
I like wrestling with dogs. They love to play!
Try jumping and stretching your hands to the sky, alternating with tensing body muscles and fists. Shout “yes” with the stretch and “no” with the tensing.
Until our “Yes’s mean Yes and our No’s mean No” we will remain in fuzzy, dreary, zombie world. But once our “Yes’s mean Yes and our No’s mean No” we will feel true aliveness. We will feel true empowerment. We will feel the aliveness and empowerment that can only come from within. We will feel the power of commitment. We will own the power of the “law of attraction”.
Right now more than ever, there’s a need for authentic people in our families, communities and businesses. People who have the courage to let their “Yes’s mean Yes and No’s mean No”. There’s a ton of resources out there – internet, books, therapists and groups – to help in the journey. Contact me for a session. I love to coach people in their journey home.